Pillow Talk (Han and Leia Movie AU)
by Hellyjellybean
Summary: If you haven't seen the movie Pillow Talk check out the trailer on Utube before reading this. Han and Leia share a party line telephone much to their annoyance. Leia cant get a call in and Han cant finish a seduction without Leia interrupting his call. Then Han sees Leia and everything changes.


Leia shook out her dark brown curls as she peeled her head from her pink satin pillows, dusty pink actually as that was so in this season. She wiped her tired eyes and stretched.

She had been up most of the night putting the finishing touches to the Lando Calrissian condo project. It had been her biggest creative challenge to date. Not least owing to the fact that he required an entire room to be designed as a walk-in wardrobe for this vast antique cape collection.

Leia called through to the kitchen.

'Maz you here?'

'Yes, Leia,' came the response.

'Are you sober enough to put on a pot of coffee?'

'Nope.'

Leia rolled her eyes. Why on Earth didn't she fire Maz? She was no use at all unless you wanted a crate of beer drank in 0.5 seconds flat. That was pretty much her only skill. But she knew deep down she didn't have the heart to let the old woman go. She was a permanent resident in Leia's heart now. But she did sometimes daydream about what it must be like to have a housekeeper who actually kept the house clean.

Leia got out of bed, tidied the sheets and added the decorative throw pillows that were just for show. She wrapped her silk dressing gown around her lithe frame and padded through to the kitchen to make the coffee herself.

Maz was perusing the contents of her built-in fridge.

'Rough night?' Leia asked with an arch of her perfectly manicured brow.

'Aren't they all?' Maz said, rubbing her head.

Leia sighed.

'Did you ever think about, I don't know, not drinking maybe just for one evening?'

'Where's the fun in that?' Maz asked, looking at Leia as if she had suddenly grown a foot for a head. Leia smiled good naturedly and shook her head. She made them both a cup of coffee and Maz reluctantly agreed to drink it though she irished it up when Leia wasn't looking.

When Leia floated off into the bathroom, Maz rubbed her hands together and smiled. She moved into the small apartment living room and picked up the telephone carefully. Her heart sang as she heard his voice on the other end of the phone. He was singing again. She loved it when he sang. She closed her eyes and imagined he was singing to her.

'You are my inspiration, Qi'ra, a perfect combination, Qi'ra…'

as he sang, he ran his hands over the piano keys, playing the tune that accompanied the lyrics he had written.

'Your eyes, your hair are beyond compare, so is it any wonder?'

Maz and Qi'ra sighed in unison.

'You captured me, and now I'm under your spell, Qi'ra…'

'Oh, Han,' the girl Maz assumed was Qi'ra, swooned on the other end of the phone line.

'I can't believe you wrote that song for me,' she purred.

'I couldn't help it, I was so inspired by your beauty, the words just poured out of me,' Han was lathering it on thick today. Maz grinned with glee.

Suddenly Maz heard a click. She knew what that meant. Leia had picked up her bedside phone. Playtime was over.

'Will you please get off the line,' Leia ordered.

'Who is that?' Qi'ra demanded.

Han sighed.

'That's the other half of my party line, she's like a bad smell, just ignore her and she'll go away.'

Leia raged.

'You've been on the line for thirty minutes! I need to make an important call,' she seethed.

'This is an important call,' Han shot back.

Leia rolled her eyes.

'Singing to a girl at 9am in the morning is an important call?' she asked.

'Hey! It's none of your business what he does to me or when!' Qi'ra retorted.

Leia pursed her lips. How Mr Solo managed to delude so many women into finding him charming was beyond her. The man was clearly a dangerous predator.

'With no due respect, flavour of the week, could you stay out of this? A grown up is talking.'

Maz pressed her lips together. Leia was the queen of the snippy come back.

'Don't mind her Qi'ra, someone put a stick up her butt and now she makes everyone else suffer for it,' Han drawled.

Leia exploded.

'YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO END THIS CALL!'

She slammed the phone down. Maz carefully replaced the living room receiver as Leia stormed past her.

'Insufferable man!' she yelled.

'But what a talent, huh?' Maz offered.

Leia glared at her.

'I see he has you "under his spell" too,' she observed with a raise of her eyebrow.

Maz shrugged.

'I'm a sucker for a man who can sing, and boy can he sing.'

'Oh, he sings alright, he peddles that same song up and down the state to any girl who will give him an audience. How he manages to convince all these bimbos that he wrote that song especially for them is beyond me.'

'Some women want to believe in romance,' Maz said with a dreamy smile.

'Romance is an outdated concept,' Leia replied.

Max rolled her eyes and returned to the kitchen. Leia eyed the phone suspiciously, she picked it up.

'Oh Han, mon Cheri!'

A playful French accent? This was a new conquest.

'Hello Shira, my French fancy,' Han replied.

Leia gagged. Did women actually like this kind of thing? She couldn't see the appeal.

'Can I see you tonight?' pleaded Shira.

'I have to work; I have six new songs to write for a new show.'

'But you must eat! I will cook for you.'

'I'm going to be cooped up in my apartment writing all night.'

'I will make something here and bring it to you, it's no trouble.'

Leia rolled her eyes.

'Well if you insist,' Han replied. Leia could almost hear his smug grin.

'Han, mon amour, would you sing a few lines of my song for me?'

Leia sighed.

'Now?' Han complained lazily.

'Please,' Shira begged.

'Oh alright.'

Leia heard him once again begin to play the tune she hated more than any other sound in the world.

'Tu es une inspiration, Shira. Une parfaite combination, Shira,' he sang in a low voice.

Leia's patience ran out.

'GET OFF THIS PHONE!' Leia shouted.

'Who is that woman?' asked Shira indignantly.

Han groaned.

'An eavesdropper on my party line. She's always listening in, personally I think she's obsessed with me.'

'So, help me God, Mr Solo, get off this line.'

'Don't you have anything better to do than constantly butt in on my private calls?' Han asked.

'How can I arrange to do anything else with my life, Mr Solo, when you won't get off my phone!'

He chuckled then and Leia was surprised by how appealing she found the sound. She took a deep breath.

'Can I please just be allowed to make one call?'

There was a soft sigh.

'Okay, I'll hang up,' he said at last.

'Thank you.'

Leia hung up the phone. When she picked it back up, she heard the blissful sound of a dial tone. She rang her business partners number.

'Amilyn? I'm so sorry. I'm running late mainly because I've been unable to call a taxi for the last hour.'

'Uh-oh has Casanova been at it again?'

'Yes. Two new women seem to have been added to the rota as of this morning.'

'Gosh! He's insatiable!'

'Can you stall Mrs Erso and tell her I'll be there as soon as I can? I must ring a taxi the moment I hang up on you, God knows how long I have the use of this line!'

'No problem Leia, I'll do that right away.'

Thanks, Amilyn, goodbye.'

Leia hung up and phoned the taxi company. As there was a thirty-minute wait for her ride, she decided to ring the phone company again.

'I'm sorry ma'am, there's nothing we can do. We want everyone to have a private line but it just isn't feasible at this time,' replied the soft woman's voice on the other end of the phone.

Leia desperately searched for a solution.

'Isn't there some sort of priority list? This is an emergency!'

'I'm sorry but "sharing a phone line with a sex maniac" isn't on my list of approved emergency situations. I could check with my supervisor?'

Leia huffed.

'Well what is on your list?'

'Pregnancy?'

Leia let out a loud ha.

'As I'm currently single, I'm not really ready for that yet. Look, this is ridiculous. I'm an interior decorator, I often work from home. I need to be able to make business calls and that cavorting Casanova is constantly serenading simpletons on my line!'

'Does his conduct bother you?'

'Yes!'

'Has me made any indecent suggestions?'

'Not to me.'

'Does that bother you?

'Yes. I mean, I don't _want_ him to make any indecent suggestions to me but I am bothered by his intimate dealings with the other women.'

'We'll send an inspector round.'

Leia sighed with relief.

'Thank you,' she replied.

'If what you say is true, we may have to disconnect him.'

'Good!'

Leia hung up the phone and headed down to the lobby to wait for the car.

Amilyn checked her watch and smiled at the difficult client.

'Certainly Mrs Erso, we can discuss the possibility of having antique fabric wall hangings in the study, it might take some time to track down and there would be an additional cost…'

'Money is no object!' Declared the fur clad middle-class brunette, inspecting her nails while she spouted various demands.

Amilyn nodded, her blonde bob swished

'Then I'm sure we can accommodate you.'

Mrs Erso stood.

'I must be leaving now; can you inform Leia I expect her to be punctual for my next appointment?'

'Of course, Mrs Erso, Goodbye.'

The woman's high heels cracked against the cool tile floor as she headed for the elevator.

Leia appeared in Amilyn's doorway a few moments later.

'I'm so sorry,' she said with a sympathetic look.

'You will be if you leave me alone to deal with Mrs Erso again!'

Leia winced.

'That bad, huh?'

'Now she wants antique tapestries!'

'God that woman's taste,' Leia muttered, shaking her head.

Amilyn sat down behind her desk.

'Anyway, let's talk about Mr Solo,' Ami said with a grin.

'I don't want to talk about it.'

'Oh, come on! I love hearing about his latest exploits!'

'Well you share a party line with him then!'

'I don't think I would mind one bit,' Amilyn said with a wink.

Leia looked shocked.

'Ami! He's a fiend!' Leia exclaimed.

'Well at least I could live vicariously through him. It's been so long since I got any action. There are probably bats in this belfry!'

Leia laughed out loud just as her brother knocked on Ami's door.

'Hey Luke, what are you doing here?' Leia asked warmly.

'Just come to see my little sis,' Luke said grinning and running a hand through his shoulder length blonde hair.

'We're exactly the same age Luke, we're twins remember?'

'But I came out first Leia, ergo, you are one-minute younger.'

Leia rolled her eyes.

She watched with interest as Ami straightened up in her chair and Luke gave her a wink.

Interesting…

'How's your latest business venture going?' Leia asked.

'Great. I'm investing in this promising new playwright and we've brought in a highly recommended song writer,' Luke said excitedly.

Leia hoped this one would work out. Luke was always squandering their inheritance on some hair brained scheme. Leia didn't mind too much, she liked working and she preferred to make her own way in the world. But she did wish that Luke would find some sense of direction.

'I hope it all works out,' she said brightly.

'Did you got everything sorted with the phone company?'

'No, it's going to be another month of hell, they are going to send an inspector out though.'

'Well that's promising,' Luke offered.

'I bet he's handsome,' Ami said.

Luke looked at her but didn't say anything.

'I'm sure he is handsome, but looks aren't everything and that man is a low, down dirty cheat!' Leia said.

'I'd better be going; I've got a meeting with the writer at twelve. See you all later,' Luke said with a wave.

'Bye Luke,' Leia called after him as he disappeared around the corner.

'Will he ever find a solid profession?' Ami asked.

'I don't know,' Leia sighed. 'Let's just get to work, there's always something to do.'

'Okay, but can you at least recap the drama from this morning for me?' Ami pleaded.

'Fine. But I don't know why you're so obsessed with this guy. He isn't worthy of anyone's time.'

'You are very much in the minority with that opinion,' Amilyn replied.

Han sat at the piano waiting for inspiration to strike. He needs six new songs. Six. So far, he had… zero.

There was a knock at the door and Han thanked his lucky stars for the distraction. He opened it and was very pleased to see a pretty, young brunette standing there. She looked at him with wide eyes. Han knew that look.

'I'm Sabe, the phone company sent me?' she said in a gentle voice.

Han flashed her a crooked grin as he leaned against the doorway.

'Well hello Sabe, what can I do for you?'

The young girl giggled.

_Hook_.

'I'm an inspector.'

'And what would you like to inspect?'

'You, I mean, I've been sent to investigate a complaint against you.'

'I've never had any complaints before,' Han replied with a wink.

The girl blushed.

_Line_.

'Why don't you come in Sabe, I'm sure you'll find me very... accommodating.'

She smiled and bit her lip as she entered the apartment.

_Sinker_. Han thought you himself as he closed the door behind her.

A few hours later, the phone rang in Leia's office. She answered it.

'Organa-Holdo designs, Leia speaking how may I help you?'

'Did you report me to the phone company?' Han demanded.

Leia mouthed 'it's him' to Amilyn.

'Good morning to you too, Mr Solo, have you exhausted the pool of gullible women in this city so you now need to search out fresh meat to woo? Because I assure you, if that is the case, you'll find no solace here.'

'Don't flatter yourself, did you report me?'

'I did.'

'They sent an inspector out to investigate me, thanks to your meddling.'

'Well maybe if you let me get a call or two in here and there, I wouldn't have to resort to such extreme measures.'

'You're a difficult woman, you know that?'

'Men always say that when they can't control the actions of the opposite sex.'

'Oh, I have no problem letting a woman take control, believe me.'

The way he drew out the words made Leia tremble slightly.

'I have no interest in your personal life, Mr Solo, I just want to be able to use the service for which I am paying.'

'Okay sweetheart, let's make a deal.'

'Very well, but please do not refer to me as sweetheart, it makes me stomach churn. You may use the phone from the hour to the half hour and I will use it from the half hour to the hour. In the event of an emergency, each will endeavour to be tolerant. How does that sound?'

'Do you want a contract drawn up? Shall I secure a notary public?'

'I should have expected a smart mouthed comment. Do you agree to my terms?'

'Yes, I agree, it's not like I've got much of a choice.'

'No, we just have to try and live with each other.'

'Why Ms Organa, I don't think we're ready to take that step yet.'

'Goodbye, Mr Solo.'

Leia hung up the phone.

'Ooooh that man!' She growled.

'You two are top notch entertainment,' Ami said as she laid out some fabric swatches.

'I wish I could enjoy our interactions as much as you do,' Leia mumbled.

The next day Maz arrived for work hoping Leia might have already left the apartment. No such luck.

'Can you believe this, Maz?' Leia shouted as she came towards her, waving a letter in the air.

Maz squeezed her eyes shut.

'Please have mercy on those of us who are nursing hangovers,' she pleaded.

Leia came towards her and slammed the letter down on the table in front of her.

'It's from the phone company. They said my complaint is entirely unwarranted. Unwarranted! Can you believe they sent a woman to investigate him! That's like sending a lamb to fight a lion!'

'So much shouting,' Maz said rubbing her temples.

'I'm sorry Maz, I just hate that man so much!'

Maz tried to change the subject to a quieter topic.

'How was your date last night?'

Leia made a face.

'That bad huh?'

'It was okay, I guess, but when he kissed me Goodnight, there was no… spark.'

'Sometimes you have to rub the two sticks together a few times to get them to ignite,' Maz said with a wink.

'That's disgusting, and anyway love is a chemical reaction, when you know, you just know.'

Maz sighed.

'I think your expectations are too high.'

Leia shrugged.

'What can I say? I guess I want to shoot for the moon.'

Maz looked at her disapprovingly.

'That's an awfully long way to fall.'

'I'll always have you to catch me, though won't I?' Leia said with a wink.


End file.
